Marie Havens
Marie Havens
Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven.
– Henry Ward Beecher
June 23, 1927 – January 6, 2011
Beloved wife of Tom Havens
Loving mother of Susi Havens-Bezaire and Tom Havens
Eulogy by Dave Bezaire
We still look for Marie, don’t we? And who wouldn’t? Who wouldn’t be looking for the one who has been so steady; so dependable? For the one who has been there for ALL of us; for ALL of our lives? Who wouldn’t be looking for her joyous smiles? Who wouldn’t look forward to her festive gatherings and wonderful meals? Who doesn’t yearn for her continuous encouragement? Who doesn’t pine for love?
When I began thinking about this, I told myself, “Dave, you can get through this. Just tell a quick story about Marie that elicits a chuckle, and you’ll be done.” But that approach has not worked this time, because Marie is not someone who stands out in a showy way that can be captured in an anecdote. For me, Marie is more like a treasured, favorite blanket, or a warm down comforter, or a beautiful, intricate quilt.
Did you see the “We love you Grandma” banner as you entered the church? As large as it is, and with signatures from so many, it represents just a small pocket of Marie’s admirers, so great is the extensive network that she claims as her loved ones. Her husband, Tom, tops the list, of course, along with her treasured children Tom and Susi. But that’s just the beginning. Marie’s creative definition of “her children” extends to nieces, nephews, grand nieces, grand nephews, first cousins once removed, and even grand nephews-in-law if there is such a thing. She lavishes her loving nature on everyone – on me, on you – and upon all those who are important to everyone that she herself loves. We all feel the warmth and comfort from this exceptional woman.
And haven’t we also enjoyed teasing Marie along the way? Her innocence and acceptance are legendary, and more than one of us has occasionally called her gullible. It may be tempting to think of her as unknowing, but that would be wrong, for she is a great listener and always keeps herself well informed. No one can deny the accuracy of her innate senses — she even told the doctor about her brain tumor before the first diagnostic test was done. So Marie’s lack of suspicion comes not from any lack of knowledge or understanding. Rather, it is Marie’s unconditional love. Many of “her children” have suffered setbacks or even made poor decisions and hurt themselves. Yet she remains staunchly in their corner, supporting and comforting, focused only on their goodness and potential.
Take a moment. Do you feel, as I do, the strong threads of the warm quilt that she wraps around each of us? She spins each of us a yarn that is just the right color and exactly the right texture; a yarn that reaches where each of us needs to be touched; a yarn that ties us to a place of safe and loving acceptance.
So, it is natural that we all continue to look for Marie. Oh, sure, we know where her body lies, and we feel her in our hearts, and we know she resides in heaven. But, if we really want to find her right now, we look into the eyes of the people around us. There we find Marie, for her love touches each of us. As we look into the eyes of everyone in this church, we see the beautiful tapestry that Marie weaves by blanketing us with her unconditional love. In that image, I hope that you see how Marie shows me the face of God.
As we continue to look for Marie, we know she is looking at us from a perfect vantage point. We feel her gaze, her love, and her constant encouragement. I can’t help but wonder, “How might she want me to respond?” I find myself wanting to open my heart to everyone around me, and I hope that I can honor the life of Marie by trying in some small way to be as unconditionally loving as she has been to all of us.